Matt got Dru-Unk
Last night I played in an Emory Alumni game against current students. It was pretty fun, if a bit cold. Matt was supposed to come too, but he was out with B-school buddies in Decatur. He was too drunk to drive at 8:00 when we started, so he didn't make it out. The alums did pretty well for only having 8 players and not having played together. We outscored the young'uns pretty handily. They were definitely enthusiastic and ran a whole lot... just didn't have the throws and catches that come with old age muscle memory.
After the game we went and grabbed some kabobs... (I'll skip the mediocre kabob review) and went our merry ways. I figured Matt may need a designated driver wherever he was, so I called him up. Some random woman named Karen answered and demanded that I bring hot single men over to the bar: A definite sign that Matt would need not only a ride but also rescuing. Upon arrival at the brick store, I was met by a scene of total chaos (at one table). It was about 11:40 and the restaurant was mostly quiet, save for the table of seven making a scene and generally carrying on as we tend to do when the beer gets the better of us. Matt was delighted to see me as far as I could tell. His words were somewhat slurred, but I think he conveyed general happiness upon my arrival. I then had some pretty darned funny conversations with drunk people I don't know at all.
My new friend Carol is married, here's how I found out:
Carol: "We've been arguing about Martha!" (Matt's Girlfriend)
Me: "What have you been saying?"
Carol: "Matt is such a great guy!"
Me: "Oh, so you've been saying, 'come on Matt, she'll never know, let's just run to the car for a few minutes, she's cool, we will be fast,' or something to that effect?"
Carol: "Ha ha ha, I'm married, happily married, they have good beer here!"
Me: "Carol, you just dropped your wedding set under the bar. That was the fastest anyone's ever thrown their wedding rings at me."
Carol: "You're funny, you should meet my husband. I love Matt's friend Stu, he's over there at that table with the grey hair. I'm a big fan."
Me: "Yeah, that's a wig." Carol: "Oh MY GOD Really?"
Me: "No, not really, he's just older than you and I, and sometimes that happens to hair."
Carol: "I like you, you're funny."
Here's the second and last conversation I ever had with my new friend Carol:
Matt and Carol were talking near the table and had their backs to me. They must have been talking about marriage because she turned around and said....
Carol: "Don't be afraid of the whole....."
Me: "What?"
Carol: "Don't be afraid of the whole...."
Me: "I'm not afriad of the hole, I love the hole."
Carol: "No, the whole.... don't be afraid of the whole..."
Me: "Are you kidding, I love the hole, I think it's great, everyone should love it."
Matt: "Which hole? The regular hole?"
Carol: "We're starting a 365-day anniversary e-mail club!!"
NOTE: Clearly Carol had been drinking. But I must say, this is a new level of random. I like it.
... and the night continued like that for the whole fifteen minutes that I was at that restaurant. One of the waitresses also congratulated Matt on "the best fall I've ever seen in this place." Apparently, Matt was leaning back in his chair and CRASH, down he went, feet in the air, flat on his back. That happened before my arrival, sorry I missed it.
So, I parked Matt's car where it (hopefully) won't get towed, and drove his slurring, falling down ass home where he proceeded to dive into the bushes and fall down the stairs... kind of his signature move.
After the game we went and grabbed some kabobs... (I'll skip the mediocre kabob review) and went our merry ways. I figured Matt may need a designated driver wherever he was, so I called him up. Some random woman named Karen answered and demanded that I bring hot single men over to the bar: A definite sign that Matt would need not only a ride but also rescuing. Upon arrival at the brick store, I was met by a scene of total chaos (at one table). It was about 11:40 and the restaurant was mostly quiet, save for the table of seven making a scene and generally carrying on as we tend to do when the beer gets the better of us. Matt was delighted to see me as far as I could tell. His words were somewhat slurred, but I think he conveyed general happiness upon my arrival. I then had some pretty darned funny conversations with drunk people I don't know at all.
My new friend Carol is married, here's how I found out:
Carol: "We've been arguing about Martha!" (Matt's Girlfriend)
Me: "What have you been saying?"
Carol: "Matt is such a great guy!"
Me: "Oh, so you've been saying, 'come on Matt, she'll never know, let's just run to the car for a few minutes, she's cool, we will be fast,' or something to that effect?"
Carol: "Ha ha ha, I'm married, happily married, they have good beer here!"
Me: "Carol, you just dropped your wedding set under the bar. That was the fastest anyone's ever thrown their wedding rings at me."
Carol: "You're funny, you should meet my husband. I love Matt's friend Stu, he's over there at that table with the grey hair. I'm a big fan."
Me: "Yeah, that's a wig." Carol: "Oh MY GOD Really?"
Me: "No, not really, he's just older than you and I, and sometimes that happens to hair."
Carol: "I like you, you're funny."
Here's the second and last conversation I ever had with my new friend Carol:
Matt and Carol were talking near the table and had their backs to me. They must have been talking about marriage because she turned around and said....
Carol: "Don't be afraid of the whole....."
Me: "What?"
Carol: "Don't be afraid of the whole...."
Me: "I'm not afriad of the hole, I love the hole."
Carol: "No, the whole.... don't be afraid of the whole..."
Me: "Are you kidding, I love the hole, I think it's great, everyone should love it."
Matt: "Which hole? The regular hole?"
Carol: "We're starting a 365-day anniversary e-mail club!!"
NOTE: Clearly Carol had been drinking. But I must say, this is a new level of random. I like it.
... and the night continued like that for the whole fifteen minutes that I was at that restaurant. One of the waitresses also congratulated Matt on "the best fall I've ever seen in this place." Apparently, Matt was leaning back in his chair and CRASH, down he went, feet in the air, flat on his back. That happened before my arrival, sorry I missed it.
So, I parked Matt's car where it (hopefully) won't get towed, and drove his slurring, falling down ass home where he proceeded to dive into the bushes and fall down the stairs... kind of his signature move.
posted by Jay at 10:10 AM
2 Comments:
the diving into the bushes and falling down stairs is definitely trapp's signature move
damnit edelman... i was going to say that. although i could think of a couple of other signature moves that matt could resurrect from college... but i wouldn't do that to him. ;-)
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